It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
