I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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