i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize