Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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