bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
