Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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