Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
