Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
