New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
