The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Randomize
