remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I have post one night stand depression
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
