Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I came so hard my ears popped.
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