here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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