I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
