Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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