im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
so let's talk penis.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
