Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
