How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Everclear isn't food dammit
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
