Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
