well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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