the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
