Your mouth is God's brothel.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
you never un-have a 4some
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
