dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
