Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Randomize
