Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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