...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
