I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
