I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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