I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
