i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
We need to get me chipped asap
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
