I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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