My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Randomize
