At least make sure they are 18
Why
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize