WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
