Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
