do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
