my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
