my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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