Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
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