ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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