Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
