I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I still have a little drunk in my system
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
