she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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