This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
