apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
