The best revenge is premature balding
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
