so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
