So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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