My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
She even gives head with a lisp.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
