So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
