i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
