they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Randomize
