Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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