... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
