I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize