That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
