I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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