And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
