ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Randomize
