Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
