Responsibility does not care about your dick.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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