Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize