I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
