Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
