It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
he was CRYING into my vagina
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
