my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
