the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
