do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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