I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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