You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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