im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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