I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize