Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
