I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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