the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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