on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
