I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
She announced her abortion via fbk
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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