I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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