Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
