I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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