The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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