Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
