shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
