so that wasnt chicken after all
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
