garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
