Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
