when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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