last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
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