I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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