just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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