Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize