you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
