That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize