If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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