isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
