Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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