Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
