you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
