Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
