I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
It's never too late to be topless.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
