Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
