You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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