Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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