I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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