I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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