The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
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