I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
