Yo dont text me then not text me
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
