If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize