i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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