problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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